Stephen Jones (sejones@ibm.net)
Fri, 05 Jun 1998 05:30:53 +0800


On a lighter note....

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If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor
butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and
towering place, it will land on its feet.

But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a
cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its
feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself, you should be able
to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the
butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline
aerodynamics demand that the cat cannot smash its furry back. If the
combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this
paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right, you clever mortal, you have discovered the secret of
anti-gravity!! A buttered cat, will, when released, quickly move to a
height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter-repulsion are in
equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some
of the butter - providing lift; or - removing some of the cat's limbs,
allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle
to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming
heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred
tabbies. The obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the
bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats
will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since
right after they make their graceful landing, several tons of red-hot
starship and peeved aliens crash on top of them.
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"Evolution is the greatest engine of atheism ever invented."
--- Dr. William Provine, Professor of History and Biology, Cornell University.

Stephen E (Steve) Jones ,--_|\ sejones@ibm.net
3 Hawker Avenue / Oz \ Steve.Jones@health.wa.gov.au
Warwick 6024 ->*_,--\_/ Phone +61 8 9448 7439
Perth, West Australia v "Test everything." (1Thess 5:21)