Re: UK GCSE Answers

From: Michael Roberts (michael.andrea.r@ukonline.co.uk)
Date: Fri May 02 2003 - 11:20:21 EDT

  • Next message: Iain Strachan: "Re: The Nature of Atheist - Christian dialogue"

    Yes, but I did once have a student who wrote in an exam that Keble posted a
    list of theses at st mary the Virgin Oxford in July 1833. A third level
    O.U.course.

    Another said that Ruskin was shocked on his wedding night to find that his
    wife had pubic hair. Millais didnt mind.

    Michael
    ----- Original Message -----
    From: "Robert Schneider" <rjschn39@bellsouth.net>
    To: <asa@calvin.edu>
    Sent: Friday, May 02, 2003 3:12 PM
    Subject: Re: UK GCSE Answers

    > Regarding the student exam answers on this and the other post, Steve
    shared
    > with us, I have seen versions of these so often over the past 25 years,
    that
    > they have attained the status of urban legends. I've seen examples of
    both
    > attributed to students in the USA. There must be a "ur" version of both
    the
    > Bible and the history exams somewhere. I suspect some of them are
    > intentionally clever, and either invented by clever students or a clever
    > writer of such documents. Still, a lot of funnies here. I remember a few
    > from similar lists:
    >
    > What is an epistle? An epistle is the wife of an apostle.
    >
    > Name the four evangelists. Answer: Moody, Sankey, and Billy Sunday are
    the
    > only ones I ever heerd of.
    >
    > In the European history category:
    > The Holy Roman Emperor had his lower passage blocked by the French for
    > years and years.
    >
    > Bob
    >
    >
    > ----- Original Message -----
    > From: "Steve Bishop" <stevebishop_uk@hotmail.com>
    > To: <asa@calvin.edu>
    > Sent: Friday, May 02, 2003 7:33 AM
    > Subject: UK GCSE Answers
    >
    >
    > >
    > >
    > > The following are supposedly genuine GCSE answers given in recent
    exams...
    > >
    > > GCSE Answers (age 15/16)
    > > Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
    > > They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of
    > the
    > > Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
    > >
    > > The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the
    > > Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of
    > their
    > > children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?"
    > >
    > > Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
    > > bread, which is made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
    > Cyanide
    > > to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
    > >
    > > Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
    > >
    > > The Greeks were a highly sculptured people. Without them we would not
    have
    > > history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
    > >
    > > Actually Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that
    name.
    > >
    > > Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
    advice.
    > > They killed him. Socrates die of an overdose of wedlock. After his
    death,
    > > his career suffered a dramatic decline.
    > >
    > > In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and
    > > threw the java.
    > >
    > > Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans
    > > because they never stayed in one place long.
    > >
    > > Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
    > of
    > > March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
    > Dying
    > > he gasped out "Tee hee Brutus".
    > >
    > > Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the
    > > fiddle to them.
    > >
    > > Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonised by Bernard Shaw.
    > Finally
    > > Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same
    > > offence.
    > >
    > > In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the
    > > furtile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote
    > > literature.
    > >
    > > Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while
    > > standing on his son's head.
    > >
    > > Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a Queen she was a success.
    When
    > > she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "Hurrah".
    > >
    > > It was a great age of inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
    > > removable type and the bible. Another important invention was the
    > > circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because
    he
    > > invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake
    > > circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
    > >
    > > The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
    > born
    > > in the year 1554, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
    and
    > > is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies and
    > > hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an
    example
    > > of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
    > >
    > > Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
    > > Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
    Paradise
    > > Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
    > >
    > > During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great
    > > navigator who discovered America while cruising about the Atlantic. His
    > > ships were called the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Fe.
    > >
    > > Later the Pilgrims crossed the ocean and this was called Pilgrim's
    > Progress.
    > > The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and
    > > many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
    > >
    > > One of the causes for the Revolutionary wars was that the English put
    > tacks
    > > in their tea. Also the colonists would send parcels through the post
    > without
    > > stamps. Finally the colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for
    > > taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
    > congress.
    > > Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of
    the
    > > Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity
    > > by rubbing two cats backwards and declared. "A horse divided against
    > itself
    > > cannot stand". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
    > >
    > > Soon the constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
    domestic
    > > hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep
    > bare
    > > arms.
    > >
    > > Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
    died
    > > in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
    > > hands. Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
    Proclamation.
    > On
    > > the night of the 14th April 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got
    shot
    > > in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed
    > > assassin was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined
    > > Booth's career.
    > >
    > > Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire
    > > invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
    > >
    > > Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in autumn
    > > when the apples are falling off trees.
    > >
    > > Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions from 1750 to the
    > > present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was
    Handel.
    > > Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very
    large.
    > >
    > > Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf, he wrote
    > loud
    > > music. He look long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
    for
    > > him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
    > >
    > > The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted
    > > into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since
    > > Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
    > >
    > > The sun never set on the British Empire because it is in the East and
    the
    > > sun sets in the West.
    > >
    > > Queen Victoria was the longest Queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.
    She
    > > was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event
    > which
    > > ended her reign.
    > >
    > > The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
    inventions.
    > > People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine.
    The
    > > invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
    Cyrus
    > > McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred
    > men.
    > >
    > > Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
    naturist
    > > who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madam Curie discovered radio. And
    Karl
    > > Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
    > >
    > > The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch Duck by an
    > > antihist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
    > >
    > >
    > > _________________________________________________________________
    > > Use MSN Messenger to send music and pics to your friends
    > > http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
    > >
    >
    >
    >



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